Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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