I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The air was thick with penises
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
