no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
