Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
