so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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