id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
