okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
