I'm so fucking centered right now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
