I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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