these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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