I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
