Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
