but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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