You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
