Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
