my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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