Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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