you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
