you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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