And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
