i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
