It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
