speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
