she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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