john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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