Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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