peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
