I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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