hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
