I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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