I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
