you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
