Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
