i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
