I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
