So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
