perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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