your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
