So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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