Can i not drive my cunt home
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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