Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
