I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
