I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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