New low: just hacked my moms facebook
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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