Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
