u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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