what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
