what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
