with your own penis?
You just made me feel so damn special
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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