i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
